You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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