You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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