hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
