nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
