Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
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