May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
