for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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