I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
