You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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