a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
