nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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