hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
