Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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