he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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