ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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