Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
