Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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