Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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