Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
