Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
