I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
