There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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