If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need a beard to bite.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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