I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
don't judge my taste in strippers
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
