She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
