Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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