haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I currently don't understand fingers.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
