so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You smell like stripper and shame
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wear drunk well.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
