So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
