Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sext me about skeletons
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
