I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
