just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
