Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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