I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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