dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
