I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
