Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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