The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
