dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
