saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
