all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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