I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
