another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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