It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
