Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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