I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
