your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
