his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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