I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
