ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
