but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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