i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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