erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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