Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
