you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
