Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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