i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
