How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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