Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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