Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
