Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
