i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize