You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im holly from the hills drunk
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
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Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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