So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
