There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
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