and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
