well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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