It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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