Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
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Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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