That's intense
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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