fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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